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Every once in a while, take the scenic route.
- Jackson Brown Jr.
YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE 80'S IF:
- You know what a "burnout" is.
- You know what "Sike" means.
- You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off".
- You know that another name for a keyboard is a"Synthesizer".
- You wanted to be a Goonie.
- You know who Max Headroom is.
- You ever wore flourescent, neon if you will, clothing.
- You could breakdance, or wish you could.
- You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
- Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.
- You wanted to be on StarSearch.
- You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell
off.
- You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth.
- You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout".
- You HAD to have your MTV
- You hold a special place in your heart for "Back to the
Future".
- You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
- You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
- You heard of Garbage Pail Kids.
- You knew "The Artist" when he was humbly called "Prince".
- You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game
system.
- You own any 8 tracks cassettes.
- You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
- You remember And/or own any of the CareBear Glass collection from Pizza
Hut.
- Poltergeist freaked you out.
- You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET
lunchbox.
- You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female
smurf.
- You know what a Doozer is.
- You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.
- You ever had a Swatch Watch.
- You can name 1/2 the members of Duran Duran
- You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
- You had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.
- You know what a "Whammee" is.
- You had a crush on Jon Bon Jovi, or knew someone who did.
If you can identify with at least half of this list then you are
most certainly a product of the 80's!
The Top 13 Afterschool Specials for
the 90s
13> MIchel's E-Mail Joke, and His Subsequent Visit from the Secret
Service
12> Larry Learns About Leather
11> My Dad is a Fifty-Year-Old Hippie and I Want Some Discipline
10> It's a Mall World After All
9> RJ Reynolds Presents: A Teenager's Guide to the Dangerous, Grown-Up and Really Cool
World of Smoking
8> I Can Stop Anytime I Want: My Personal Beanie Baby Hell
7> Look Before Crossdressing
6> The Littlest Testicle
5> Binge and Purge: A Junior High Girl's Guide to Staying Skinny
4> If You Cant Stand the Infection, Don’t Get Your Nipple Pierced
3> Eschew the Powder, Zebedee: An Amish Drug Tragedy
2> Yikes! My Boobs are Growing!
and Top5's Number 1 Afterschool Special for the
90s...
1> Your Internet Friend, Billy, Who Wants You to Take a Bus to Miami By Yourself,
Probably Isn't Really 10 Years Old Like You
Only in America (Posted in Australia)
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the
counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave
useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting
so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well:
"Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning
"blood-sucking creatures"...
SECOND CHANCES
Elvis, River Phoenix and Liberace are all hanging out up in heaven and getting a little
bored with fluffy white clouds and angels playing harps. Elvis eventually says to
Archangel Gabriel, "Look, we're bored up here, man.
Can we be resurrected on Earth for a day, just to break the monotony?"
Gabriel, not too sure about it, thinks awhile, and eventually agrees;
"But only if you promise not to revert back to any of your former sins...
If you do, you're going straight to hell."
Elvis, River, and Liberace all agree, and find themselves on Earth. As they walk
along, Elvis spots a bar and, unable to resist the temptation, heads towards it. As
he touches the door handle, *WHOOF* he's gone.
River, shocked by this, utters, "Shit, man! Gabriel wasn't joking when he said
we'd go straight to hell..." "Nevermind, nothing we can do, The King's
gone now kid. Let's go"
And, they continue walking along the road, when River spots a $5 bag of cocaine lying on
the pavement. Just as he bends over to pick it up,
*WHOOF*...
Liberace disappears.
To the engineer of the world...
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at
all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many
thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area?''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up
on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a great bike?"asked the first.
The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground,
took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't
have fit."
Confucius Say...
_"Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!"
_"Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone."
_"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
_"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with
splitting headache."
_"Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."
_"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!"
_"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
_"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
_"Man who drive like hell is bound to get there!"
_"Man who sit on tack get point!"
_"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
_"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"
_"Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!"
_"Don't drink and park, accidents cause people."
_"War does not determine who's right, war determines who's left."
_"Man go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."
_"Those who quote me are fools."
_"Confucius say too damn much!"
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The Chinese dictionary
Are You harboring a Fugitive? -HU YU HAI DING?
Approach me - KUM HIA _
Stupid fellow - DUM GAI
Small horse - TAI NI PO NI
Did someone fertilize the field? - HU FLUNG DUNG?
Prices are too high here - NO BAI DAM TING
Late night Peking talk show - JAH NI KA SUN
I bumped into a coffee table - AI BANG MAI NI
Have you considered a face lift? - CHIN TU FAT
You trying to save electricity? - WAI SO DIM
Time until next bus arrives - HAO LONG WEI TING
You're blowing your diet - WAI YU MUN CHING?
Keep out of pond - NOH WEI DING
Tow-Away zone - NO PA KING
The latest Michael Jackson release - WAI YU SING DUM SONG?
You are not bright - YU SO DUM
I don't deserve to die!! - WAI HANG MI?!
How 'bout staying awhile - WAI GO NAO
Our meeting was last week - WAI YU KUM NAO?
They are approaching - HIA DEI KUM
Remain out of sight - LEI LO
Cleaning automobile - WA SHING KAH
Premature infant - TAI NI BEI BI
Cigarettes are bad for you - NO TSMO KING
Your body odor is offensive - SHU MAN GO
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