Bad Day

Thought of the day;

Now is no time to think of what you do not have.
Think of what you can do with what there is.
- Ernest Hemingway

Job....

You hate your job !!!

You think your job stink !!!

Look at this guy and you should feel better...

Hey Boss.... I have a sexual harrassment case... I think!!!!

Moi Tonto.... toi dangerous!!!

A pretty girl is driving through the West. Her car runs out of gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final Yaaaaa-Hooo! and gallops off.

"My god!" says the gas station guy, "What the hell was that noise...?
"I Dunno," says the girl, "I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."

"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles."

Hi Honey!!!

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As heturns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,

"Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

It's a gonner
Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of CANCER.
Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way
home to celebrate it. While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends.
He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.
When the friends leave the son asks,
"Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS ?"
The father replies, "I don't want them bothering your mother after I'm gone!"

         The Top 13 Signs Your Cruise Ship is on Fire

13> You detect a thick, noxious smoky odor but George Burns went to bed hours ago.

12> The Captain happily announces that passengers now have a choice between jumping into a fiery pit or the icy deep to escape Celine Dion's infernal racket.

11> Everyone in the conga line has a seltzer bottle and the Cruise Director has them dancing toward the engine room.

10> People are already screaming in terror, and Carrot Top's act doesn't start for another thirty minutes.

9> It's not happy hour and the captain just announced a 60% discount on flaming drinks in the Admiral's lounge.

8> Small boats of refugees bearing down on you with long sticks and marshmallows.

7> Kathie Lee orders the kids to stay at their posts and row faster if they ever want to see their mommies or daddies again.

6> Tonight's scheduled entertainment in the lounge is mysteriously replaced by Smokey Robinson and Charo.

5> Waters in the kiddie pool are bubbling like crazy, but there's not a kid in sight.

4> You saw Bob Denver running to the laundry area with a bong.

3> The ice sculpture of Atlas is starting to resemble Kate Moss.

2> Last-minute change to dessert menu now features Cajun blackened Jell-O.

      and Number 1 Sign Your Cruise Ship is on Fire...

1> Your ass is burning and Acapulco’s still three ports away.

Any players out there?

A new game currently making the rounds in D.C. is called "Sex Roulette". You have a choice of 6 beautiful Yuppettes:

but one of them tape records everything, will sue you, & is writing a book.

Oh Baby!!!!

There were two babies side by side in the nursery, one male and the other female.
One day they were just cooing away, when the little girl baby started screaming, "Rape! Rape! Rape!!!!"
The little boy baby leaned up and looked over at the little girl baby, and said "Aww...roll over and shut up, you're lying on your pacifier!

From the wise..

Never raise your hands to your kids.
It leaves your groin unprotected.

***********

Q. What is the difference between people who pray
in church and those who pray in casinos?
A. The ones in the casinos are really serious!