Beer

Bonjour Y'all

Thoughts of the day;

Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.
- Yoda

Trust men and they will be true to you;

treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those
who dared to believe that something inside them was
superior to circumstances.
- Bruce Barton

Have a good day

Michel

The Top 14 Rejected Slogans for Beer

14> Beer: Getting sorority girls knocked up for 300 years

13> Goes Down Cold, Comes Up Smooth!

12> A decent excuse for your normal clumsy self

11> Because You're Sober

10> Tastes like piss, but you'll drink it anyway

9> Beer: That nasty taste means it's workin'!

8> You have to fill your bladder with something.

7> Don't Make Germany Angry. You Wouldn't Like Germany When It's Angry.

6> We don't make the urine. We make the urine faster.

5> Numbing the Embarrassment of Being You

4> It's the thicker-chicker-picker-upper!

3> Easier to Spell than Whiskey

2> The *Other* Thin Yellowish Liquid

and Number 1 Rejected Slogan for Beer...

1> Beer: It's how you got here.

Hungry anyone?

A farmer was munching on a cookie as he watches the rooster chase a hen around.

Playfully, the farmer threw a piece of cookie to the ground. Seeing it, the rooster stopped chasing the hen and ran to the piece of cookie.

The farmer shook his head slowly and said,

"Gosh, I hope I never get that hungry."

French Graffiti

Poster for an abortion clinic: Pregnant? We can help.

Graffiti scrawled underneath: "Not pregnant? I can help!"

Yes Honey!! I luv ya too!!!

Did you hear about the couple who finally became sexually compatible?
They achieved simultaneous headaches.

I don't get it !!!

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents ?

The receipe

There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of there wives, so one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!"

The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to get out here today!!!"

The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy my wife nothing!!!"

They both look at him and asked how he managed that!

The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Intercourse?" She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this, it might get chilly out there!"

Hmmmm

I work on the 20th floor of my building and found out about a "secret" fire drill next week. If I take the elevator and leave the building early, am I guilty of premature evacuation?

The cell phone ad says "No Gimmicks!" at the top, and"Certain restricions apply" at the bottom. I wonder which is true?

I have just re-read the U.S. Constitution and I couldn't find the part where it says my bathroom has to be counted every 10 years.

Wedding Date: The actual date a man and woman consciously decide to give up recreational sex for the rest of their lives.

The Quaker Oath !!!

There was a clerk in a small town general store in the South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began filling a shopping cart with items.

This man was so distinctive in that he could have been the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was dressed in black, very tall and had
that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears.

Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections the clerk could
hardly contain himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was trying to ring up the merchandise.

"Yes," the tall man said with a little edge in his voice.

"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real Quaker?"

The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, "Yes, I am a real Quaker."

"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk for me?" asked the clerk.

The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to be tallied up.

As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please mister, say something in Quaker talk?"

The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear the quiet reply.

The man said, "Screw Thee."

FYI...

I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!

To my Irish friends... (Hi Mom) (No She can't read this, wrong language)

Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of
the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening
crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.
One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."

CHURCH BULLETIN TYPOS

ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS TAKEN FROM CHURCH BULLETINS

1.    Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2.    Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3.    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4.    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5.    The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6.    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7.    Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

8.    Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9.    Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers please see the minister in his study.

10.   This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

11.   The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

12.   Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the   new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

13.   The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

14.   A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

15.   At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
      Come early and listen to our choir practice.