Bonjour Y'all,
Happy holiday,
health and hope for the new year.
Thoughts of the
day;
"Character is like a tree and reputation a
shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the
real thing."
- Abraham Lincoln
"Character cannot be developed in ease and
quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can
the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and
success achieved."
- Helen Keller
"Many a man's reputation would not know his
character if they met on the street."
- Elbert Hubbard
"A person reveals his character by nothing so
clearly as the joke he resents."
- G. C. Lichtenberg (ooops)
"Very often a change of self is needed more
than a change of scene."
--Arthur Christopher Benson
"A person needs at intervals to separate
himself from family and companions and go to new places. He must go without
his familiars in order to be open to influence, to change."
--Katherine B. Hathaway
"There is nobody who totally lacks the
courage to change."
--Rollo May
Have a good week
Michel
The Top 16 Holiday Limericks from
Celebrities
16> Jim Carrey:
Playing the Grinch was not bad of me,
He and I were a match that just had to be!
But in my Christmas sack,
There'll be one thing I lack --
Roles like that don't excite the Academy.
15> Britney Spears:
I'm just a cute mousketeer,
In Spandex and skin-tight brassiere,
Though I'm making top dollar,
I'll certainly holler,
If Santa forgets my new implants this year.
14> The First Dog:
I waggingly try to be pleasant,
To human and cat, fish and pheasant.
So when Al told me twice,
I took his advice,
And I left Mr. Bush a big "present."
13> Cher:
My Christmas is missing some glee,
I'll decorate not a pine tree.
I'm lacking of mirth,
Because every green fir
Brings memories of my late Sonny.
12> Monica Lewinsky:
For Christmas, I wanted to go
Back to my old job -- but you know,
As an intern, I'm spent,
'Cause this new president
Has a new definition of "blow."
11> Stephen King:
Here in Maine, the long winters serene,
Turn to white everything that was green.
But a Christmastime fest
Just makes me depressed.
How much longer till it's Halloween???
10> Joe Lieberman:
There's still time to go to the store
To get gifts for my buddy, Al Gore.
Though just 5 days remain,
If we count them again,
I'm sure that we'll turn up some more.
9> Christina Aguilera:
Santa, I've been good for years,
But Britney has zapped my career.
So please bring me a song,
Skimpy tops and a thong,
And a pair of big hooters like Spears'.
8> Bill Clinton:
The right gifts may spare me the pillory:
Sturdy rope will prevent peccadillory.
Add a good climbing shoe,
And pretend you're K2 --
I'll pretend that I'm Sir Edmund, Hillary.
7> Tom Green:
There's no garland hung in the hall.
My holiday spirit is small.
The doc had me back,
For a lump in my sack,
So I'm left with but one Christmas ball.
6> Ron Howard:
My Grinch movie's knocking 'em dead.
Carrey's keeping my family well-fed.
Getting just one more thing'll
Delight me, Kris Kringle:
A little more hair on my head!
5> Robert Downey, Jr.:
Among those caught for murder and stealing.
I'm a prisoner who is quite appealing.
They say, "Robert, you're cute!
And a movie star, to boot!
Give *me* that Downey-fresh feeling!"
4> Charlie Sheen:
It's the holiday season, I know,
So after doing a few lines of "snow,"
I'll be sufficiently high
To head downtown and buy
My 3 favorite gifts: Ho, ho, ho.
3> Dennis Miller:
Since my rhetoric often belittles,
This Christmas I offer acquittals.
I will pay more attention,
And eschew condescension
Of what others' opinions... hey, Skittles!
2> George W. Bush:
Executions are holiday fun,
And you don't need a needle or gun.
You just throw the switch
On the son of a bitch
When his navel pops out, then he's done!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Holiday Limerick from a
Celebrity...
1> Alec Baldwin:
If Bush won, I swore that I'd leave.
From that promise, there is no reprieve.
Now I have to go.
And guess what? Ho, ho, ho!
Russell Crowe's here to help sweet Kim grieve.
Who's you're Daddy?
The real truth!!!
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while
both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (which
are the only
members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females that
do so), Male
reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning winter,
usually late November
to mid December.
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give
birth in the
spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition
depicting Santa's
reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen........had
to be
a female.
We should've known this when they were able to find their
way.
Merry Christmas!
In a murder trial, the defense attorney
was cross-examining a pathologist.
Here's what happened:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate,
had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death
certificate,
you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's
brain
was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess
it's possible he could be out there practicing
law somewhere.
A man is waiting in a hospital to get a
vaccination, and he's very uncomfortable with the idea of being stabbed with a
long needle.
After a while, the nurse calls him in to
receive the injection. He nervously walks into the office and sits downwhere
the nurse indicated, eyes bulging slightly at what seems to be an array of
torture devices on the bench beside him.
As the nurse prepares the needle, he tries
to think of the most pleasurable things he can, to try and dull the pain he is
expecting.
The nurse turns to him with the filled
needle, and noticing his obvious nervously, tries to comfort him with the
words, "Don't worry, it'll just be a small prick."
The man jumps up, obviously upset. The nurse
looks startled, but before she can say anything, the man yells out, "Just
how many
people has my wife been talking to?!?"
A Christmas card sent from a Democrat to
his Republican Friend
The election is over, the results are known,
the will of the people has clearly been shown.
Let's forget the quarrels and show by our deeds,
we will give our leader all the help that he
needs.
So let's all get together, and let bitterness
pass,
I'll hug your elephant and you kiss my ass.
Hummmm!
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls."
- Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed
in the morning."
- Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the
shower."
- Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than
$5 when your parents are doing taxes."
- Carrol, age 9
"Never bug a pregnant mom."
- Nicholas, age 11
"Don't ever be too full for dessert."
- Kelly, age 10
"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I
look stupid?' don't answer him."
- Heather, age 16
"Never tell your mom her diet's not
working."
- Michael, age 14
"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding
a baseball bat."
- Joel, age 12
"When you get a bad grade in school, show it
to your mom when she's on the phone."
- Alyesha, age 13
"Never try to baptize a cat."
- Laura, age 13
"Never spit when on a roller coaster."
- Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station."
- Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like
it's moving."
- Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're
not going to do what your mom told you to do."
- Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too old to hold your
father's hand."
- Molly, age 11
"Listen to your brain. It has lots of
information."
- Chelsey, age 7
"Stay away from prunes."
- Randy, age 9
"Never dare your little brother to paint the
family car."
- Phillip, age 13
"Forget the cake, go for the icing."
- Cynthia, age 8
Help Feed Delta Pilots
---- ---- ----- ------
It's just not right. Thousands of pilots in our very own
country are living at or just below the six figure salary
line.
And if that wasn't bad enough, many of them may go several
weeks
or months without a paycheck if they are forced by Delta
Airlines
management to strike.
But now you can help. For about three hundred dollars a day
(that's less than the price of a 25" television set)
you can help
keep a pilot economically viable during their time of need.
Three hundred dollars a day may not seem like a lot of
money to
you, but to a pilot, it could mean the difference between a
vacation fishing in Florida or a Mediteranean cruise.
For you, three hundred dollars is nothing more than half a
month's
rent or mortgage payment. But to a pilot, three hundred
dollars a
day will almost replace his or her salary.
Three hundred dollars a day will enable a pilot to upgrade
his or
her home computer, buy that new 100" television set,
trade in the
6 month old Lexus for a Ferrari, or enjoy a dinner (with
champagne)
at The Mansion.
"HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?"
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on
the
crew member you sponsor. Detailed information about his or
her
stocks, bonds, 401K, and real-estate holdings will be
mailed to
your home. You will be able to watch your pilot's net worth
grow.
You'll also get information on how they chose to invest
their
1.2 million dollar lump sum they get upon their retirement.
"HOW WILL THEY KNOW I'M HELPING?"
Your pilot will be told that he or she has a SPECIAL FRIEND
that
just wants to help. Although the pilot won't know your
name, he
or she will be able to make collect calls to your home via
a
special operator in case they need more funds.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I want to help!! In the event of a strike by the Delta
Pilots,
I would like to sponsor the crew member listed below. I
would
like to sponsor (circle your selection/s):
___CAPTAIN ___F-100 CREW MEMBER
___AN ENTIRE FLIGHT CREW ___A300 CREW MEMBER
___FIRST OFFICER ___SUPER-80 CREW MEMBER
___NAVIGATOR ___727 CREW MEMBER
___767 CREW MEMBER ___MD-11 CREW MEMBER
___Please apply my donation to the crew member most in
need.
Please charge the account listed below $326.25 per day (or
$350.29
for MD-11 crew members) for the duration of the strike.
Please send
me a picture of the crew member I have sponsored, along
with a set
of "wings" and my very own "new" red
S.C.O.P.E. badge (while supplies
last)
<> Mastercard <> Visa <> American Express
<> Diner's Club
<> Delta Card <> Discover Card
Account Number:________________________________
Exp. Date:_____________________________________
Signature:_____________________________________
Send Completed Forms to the Delta Pilots Assoc.
Or, Enroll By Phone: (97X)-988-3188
Note: Sponsors agree not to contact the crew member
sponsored or their
families in person or by other means including, but not
limited to, phone
calls, letters, email, or third parties. Contributions made
are not tax
deductible. In the event of no strike action taken,
sponsors agree to a
one time administration charge of $500.00 to cover
administration costs of
this program.
