Re-Bonjour Y'all
!!!!
I am alive and
well, thank you for asking !!!! The funnies were out for a month. The first
time in 11 years... Thanks to my new computer (grrrr.) and my great ISP who
had the good idea to catch on fire a month ago...
Thoughts of the
day;
"Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls,
the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks
into the mind."
- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
I may not have gone where I intended to go,
but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
- Douglas Adams
"Difficulties exist to be surmounted."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Luck is largely a matter of paying
attention."
--Susan M. Dodd
"Unless I accept my faults, I will most
certainly doubt my virtues."
--Hugh Prather
"If you can't write your idea on the back of
my calling card, you don't have a clear idea."
--David Belasco
"I love the challenge of starting at zero
every day and seeing how much I can accomplish."
--Martha Stewart
Have a good week...
PS Good news from Sweden, France, Miramar (Burma),
New and old friends had chimitherapy and they all had the first signs of
remission.... Keep positive thoughts for all of them.
Michel
While
we are in the snowy mode!!!
"After a snowstorm, everybody's lawn looks
the same."
- Unknown
"I used to be snow white, but I
drifted."
- Mae West
"And the northern lights commenced to glow.
And she said,
with a tear in her eye, 'Watch out where the
huskies go,
and don't you eat that yellow snow.'"
- Frank Zappa
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth,
but I believe Santa's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,
warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy
could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even
think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always
seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings
left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas
morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there
would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and
strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims
that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way
to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have
transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the
snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red
velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened
having to be seen with all those elves.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be
described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of
jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless
somebody's wearing them.
-Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously
inhibit their ability to pick up women.
-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would
require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday
characters are men:
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and
looking ominous. Definite guy.
-Cupid flies around exposing himself and carrying
weapons.
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point
fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening
test.
But not St. Nicolas - not a chance.
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady
and
an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the
posters
showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple
looking in
the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called
them
into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension
you could
never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a
fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an
answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two
flight
tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can
be
expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how
did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was
lovely," she said.
"I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that
old guy I had to share the room with?"
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One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting
ready
for his annual trip......
But there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got
sick,
and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as
the
regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure
of
being behind schedule.
Then, Mrs. Claus told him her mother was coming to visit.
This
stressed Santa even more. Then when he went to harness the
Reindeer, he found three of them were about to give birth
and two
had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More
stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the
boards
cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered
the
toys. Frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup
of
coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard
he
discovered the elves had hidden the liquor and there was
nothing
to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot
and it
broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen
floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the
straw
it was made from. Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa
cursed
his way to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a
great big
Christmas Tree. The angel said, very cheerfully,
"Merry
Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a
beautiful
tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you
like
me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Christmas Tree.
