Conficius

Bonjour Y'all

I hope you had a great St_pat's week end.

Thoughts of the day;

Success is not counted by how high you have climbed
but by how many people you brought with you.
- Wil Rose

Deep in the sea are riches beyond compare.
But if you seek safety, it is on the shore.
- Saadi of Shiraz

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics
are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell

Have a good day

Michel

PS.. to answer your question... I picked Toulouse for my cat' s name... Thank you for your suggestion.

Let's go Billy!!!

Why is Bill Clinton so reluctant to deal with the fate of the young Cuban boy??
Because the last time he made a decision about where to put a Cuban he was impeached.

*****

Regardless of who gets in the White House this time,
the place needs a power wash when Slick Willy leaves.

I luv ya honey !!!

A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter. He asks her to "go downtown" so, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and that, studying the whole business.

After about five minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice, "Well, what are you doing?"

She said "I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money - 'just looking'."

True story.... I think !!!

"Information. Can I help you?"

"I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please."

"One moment, please. Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."

"No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild."

"I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."

"Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!"

"That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore."

Shut up...

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses."

Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: "Mister, watch what you say. You're in horse country."

The Extraordinary Wisdom of Confucius

Secretary not permanent until screwed on desk.
Man who stand on toilet get high on pot.
Woman who spend much time on bedspring may get offspring.
Naked man fears no pick pocket.
He who eats too many jelly beans, farts in living colour!!
Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
Hockey player on ice have big stick.
Woman who dance while wearing a jock strap have make believe ballroom.
He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
A girls best asset is her lie ability.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.
He who chases cars will soon get exhausted.
Wash your face in morning neck at night.
Man who gets kicked in testicles left holding the bag.
Man who take woman on camping trip have one intent.
He who refuses to listen is lying.
When lady says no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes, she no lady
Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Never eat yellow snow.
Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills.
Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick all gone.
Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
He who lives in glass house dresses in basement.
Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who date flat-chested girl have good reason to feel low-down.
Man who lay maiden in pantry get ass in jam.
A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.

THE TOP 10 SIGNS YOU ARE BEING STALKED BY MARTHA STEWART
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. That telltale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

8. On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal, and saffron demi-glaze, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter "where" you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2. Annoying crank phone calls begin with, "Hold, please, for Ms. Stewart".

And the number one sign you are being stalked by Martha Stewart...

1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.