Dan Quayle

Bonjour Y'all,

Yes, I know... the funnies are getting more and more sporadic....

but I have to make a living and the funnies have not paid my

bills yet....

Thought of the day;

    ATTITUDE
    It's how you deal with failure
    that determines how you achieve success.
     - David Feherty

Have a good day.... and check the winter site and sign the guest book

Hey.. you bankers out there!!!!

Have you heard about the three newest investment opportunities?
The Monica - no maturity
The Al Gore - no interest
The Bill Clinton - no principle

News---News---News---News

This weekend in Los Angeles, a woman gave birth after she was implanted
with an embryo that had been frozen for 7 years. Afterwards, the woman
said she had no idea if she was having a little boy, a little girl, or
fish sticks.

PS. Also, doctors say it's the first use of 7-year-old eggs since the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast.

For sale

Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.

SIMPLE RULES THAT GUYS DON'T KNOW

1. Nothing says "I love you" like jewelry.
2. You could read my mind if you had one of your own.
3. Farting/burping is not a musical talent
4. That's not my clitoris!
5. Size does matter.
6. We want you to finish the job before you fall asleep.
7. If you've done something that you think I won't like, buy me some jewelry that will distract me.
8. If we threaten violence on your genitals, don't respond with "You'd suffer too". We can get another set of male genitals - can you?

Women need a reason to have sex -- men just need a place.

Ouch!!!!

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

We will se when I hit 40...

Maybe it's true that life begins at forty.

But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Yes Mam...

What is the difference between ooooh and aaaaaaaaahhh?
About 3 inches.

Yes OJ....

O.J. Simpson is reportedly considering remarrying.

"Or, as he put it, 'I'm ready to take another stab at it.'"

A 10 ?

Q: What is 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1?

A: Bo Derek getting older.

From a woman....

The useless bit of skin on the end of the penis - the man.

Rodeo Sex!!!

Q: What is Rodeo Sex?
A: Well, it's where your wife is on all fours, you are firmly ensconced
from the rear with a breast in each hand, and you say to her:
"This is the way your sister likes it too."
You have eight seconds to stay in the saddle.

The Top 15 Dan Quayle Campaign Promises

15> Statehood for Hawaii and Alaska

14> "Read my lips: Know knew taxis!"

13> Four years of unequaled prosperity for comedy writers

12> To "lead this great nation into the 20th Century."

11> New OSHA safety campaign: "Scissors Is Pointy"

10> A peaceful end to the Viet Nam war

9> Appoint Judge Reinhold to the Supreme Court

8> Spending cutbacks... except for funding of this cool rocket car idea I came up with.

7> More bondage between parents & children.

6> Turn over Marilyn's bulletproof hair secrets to the Department of Defense.

5> Deploy US troops to end ongoing ethnic violence between Star-Bellied Sneetches and Plain-Bellied Sneetches.

4> "By the end of my term, America will be fully prepared for the Y2K bug."

3> Support NATOE

2> Reduce the number of commercials on the Cartoon Network.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Dan Quayle Campaign Promise...

1> Will serve less than two terms if that job with Ringling Brothers comes through.

Q&A

Q: Do you know what an Australian kiss is?
A; The same thing as a French kiss... only down under!

Q: What did Abe Lincoln say after his 5-day drunk?
A: "I Freed WHO?!"
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Q. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
A. They're worth it.

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Q. Why are there no Olympic champions in Mexico?
A. Because any Mexican who can jump, run or swim is already in the USA.
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Q. What is the definition of Scotland?
A. A place where men are men and sheep are nervous.

I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network
on the same station. .....
I actually bought a congressman.

Gynecology Conference

In the midle of a gynecology conference, an English and a French gynecologist are discussing various cases they have recently treated.

The French gynecologist said, "Only last week, zer was a woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - et was like a melon!"

The English gynecologist replied, "Don't be absurd, it could not have been that big, my good man, she could not have been able to walk if it was."

To which the French gynecologist responded, "Aaah, you Eenglish, zare you go again, always talkeeng about ze size.... I was talkeeng about ze flavour."

Thought for the day

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different
limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Have a good day

Michel