Bonjour Y'all,
I hope you have a good Sunday.
Thoughs of the day;
"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll
have to use the stairs...one step at a time."
- Joe Girard
- Joe Girard
"I think it is an immutable law in business that words are
words, explanations are explanations, promises are promises - but only
performance is reality."
- Harold Geneen
- Harold Geneen
"It doesn't hurt to be optimistic. You can always
cry later."
--Lucimar Santos de Lima
"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride.
--Lucimar Santos de Lima
"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride.
Today, so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"Failure is usually the line of least persistence."
--Wilfred Beaver
--Rodney Dangerfield
"Failure is usually the line of least persistence."
--Wilfred Beaver
"I restore myself when I'm alone. A career is born
in public; talent in privacy."
--Marilyn Monroe
--Marilyn Monroe
A problem is never as permanent as a solution.
- Unknown
- Unknown
You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
- Unknown
- Unknown
Passez une bonne semaine,
Michel
Old Man - Young Man
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors - green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared. The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors - green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared. The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Multi-linguist...
A Swiss guy visiting
Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus
stop where two locals are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."
stop where two locals are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."
TOP 10 PARTY GAMES FOR PEOPLE OVER 40
(Happy Birthday Mary-Ellen)
10. SAG! YOU'RE IT!
9. PIN THE TOUPEE ON THE BALD GUY
8. 20 QUESTIONS SHOUTED IN YOUR GOOD EAR
7. KICK THE BUCKET
6. RED ROVER RED ROVER, THE NURSE SAYS BEND OVER
5. DOC DOC GOOSE
4. SIMON SAYS SOMETHING INCOHERENT
3. MUSICAL RECLINERS
2. SPIN THE BOTTLE OF MYLANTA
AND THE NUMBER 1 PARTY GAME FOR OLD PEOPLE IS ...
1. HIDE AND GO PEE
10. SAG! YOU'RE IT!
9. PIN THE TOUPEE ON THE BALD GUY
8. 20 QUESTIONS SHOUTED IN YOUR GOOD EAR
7. KICK THE BUCKET
6. RED ROVER RED ROVER, THE NURSE SAYS BEND OVER
5. DOC DOC GOOSE
4. SIMON SAYS SOMETHING INCOHERENT
3. MUSICAL RECLINERS
2. SPIN THE BOTTLE OF MYLANTA
AND THE NUMBER 1 PARTY GAME FOR OLD PEOPLE IS ...
1. HIDE AND GO PEE
Translarions for all
That's not right.
Sum Ting Wong
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP. Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man Dum Gai
Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift. Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright. Yu So Dum
I got this for free Ai No Pei
Please stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao?
They have arrived. Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight. Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive. Yu Stin Ki Pu
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me ASAP. Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man Dum Gai
Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a face lift. Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright. Yu So Dum
I got this for free Ai No Pei
Please stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao?
They have arrived. Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight. Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive. Yu Stin Ki Pu
Biology 101
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high
glucose levels found in semen. A young female freshman raised her hand
and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose in
male semen?"
"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.
The poor girl's face turned bright red; she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class never to return.
As she was going out the door, the totally straight-faced professor answered her question:
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the TIP of your tongue!"
"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.
The poor girl's face turned bright red; she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class never to return.
As she was going out the door, the totally straight-faced professor answered her question:
"It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the TIP of your tongue!"
Hmmmmm!!!!
That does not apply to Funnies readers ! does it?
"A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as
the joke he resents."
- G. C. Lichtenberg
- G. C. Lichtenberg
Top 10 Signs You're Too Old for Trick or Treating
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live
