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Bonjour Y'all
I need a favor...
Tomorrow is my birthday...
Wish me a happy B'day and please do not delete this line if
you forward this message, I want to have a count of the
funnies readers... Click here
Michel@fontaine.net
Thought of the day;
Don't wait. The time will never be just right.
- Napoleon Hill
Have a good day
Michel
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He will never see the end of this...
Bill Clinton is jogging around and tells a Secret Service
man,
"I can't wait to get back to the White House so I can
rip Monica's panties off!"
The serviceman replies, "Aren't you a bit frisky sir?
Bill says, "Nah.. they're just riding up my
crack!"
*****
One day, Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, "Do all fairy
tales start with 'Once upon a time'"? Bill answered,
"No, some start with, 'After I'm elected. . ."
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In other countries...
* In this country ships are known as "U.S.S.
_____" (United States Ship)
In England, it's "H.M.S. ____" (His/Her Majesty's
Ship)
In Italy, ships are named "A.M.B. ____" (Atsa My
Boat)
- - - - -
* In many cultures around the world, women going
"topless" is not only acceptable, but natural. One
budding young teen in the South Seas got a training bra in
the mail from a relative in the US. She didn't use it
though, it didn't come with any instructions.
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* Militant black leader Khallid Abdul Muhammad was back in
the news again after the "Million Youth March"
ended in a skirmish with New York City Police. In the past,
he's so inflamed the world-wide Jewish population with his
remarks about them, that people in Israel still uproot trees
in his name.
- - - - -
* An older German woman was berating her husband for not
romancing her in recent years. "You used to hold my
hand all the time." she said. He held her hand.
"You never kiss me." she whined. He then kissed
her and threw in a hug for good measure.
"You used to nibble on the back of my neck and
snuggle." she went on. "Hold on." he replied.
"Where are you going ?" she asked. "To get my
teeth." he replied.
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Top Ten Reasons I Should've Stayed Single
10. Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a
punishment.
9. I wouldn’t have to explain why I'm wearing
"that" shirt with "those"pants.
8. I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well
please.
7. I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone
calls, I'm here".
6. I'd be painting the town instead of the house.
5. I could show my girlfriend where I live.
4. I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan.
3. The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm
rolling.
2. I would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now.
1. I wouldn’t catch so much grief about those skid-marks
in my underwear !
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Hi Mr. Aikibono!!!
Q: How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A: A Sumo wrestler has shaved legs.
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DOGGIE PLEDGE
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into
the fast
food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.
The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
carpet in the
house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of
hangers-on.
I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the bathroom
garbage.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not eat other animals' poop.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in
the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty
ones.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up
her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the
back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's
laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on
the toilet.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the
house.
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Good, Bad, Worse
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Worse: You're in them
Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a crossdresser
Worse: He looks better than you
Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Worse: With corrections
Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Worse: She's a lawyer
Good: You came home for a quickie
Bad: The postman had the same idea
Worse: You have to wait
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