Bonjour Y'all

 

I am back from San Francisco...

Where "God save the queen" has a different meaning...

 

Though of the day:

Have a good day

 

Michel

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Hmm

 

I just found out that a flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

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Thursday poetry

 

He offered his honor
She honored his offer
And all night long
It was on her and off her

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Viagra... will keep you straight...
Did you hear about the new combination of Viagra and Doan's pills for older guys? 

It's so the back won't peter out and the peter won't back out.

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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

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Q&A

 

Q: What's the similarity between a camera and a condom?
A: They're both used to catch those special moments!
   -------------------------------
Q: Did you hear that Pee-wee's line of clothing is discounted  now in stores?
A: His pants are half off!
   -------------------------------
Q: How do you grow chickens?
A: On eggplants.
   -------------------------------
Q: Why do black people hate Garth Brooks?
A: Because he sucks.
   -------------------------------
Q: What do you get if you cross a Pitbull Terrier with a Labrador?
A: A dog that scares the shit out of you then fetches the toilet paper.
   -------------------------------
Q: Why do dogs lick themselves?
A: Because they can't make a fist.
   -------------------------------
Q: What do you call a truckload of dildos?
A: Toys for twats!

 

Q: Why do so many brides start to get crow's feet assoon as they are married?
A: From squinting and saying: "Suck what?"

 

Q: What has 200 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row of a Hanson concert.

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VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

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Is it my imagination, or do most people meet the right one
after they've married the wrong one?

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Junk: Stuff we throw away.
Stuff: Junk we keep.

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What's a Polish 69?
You suck your thumb while you jerk off.

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New Wave Bumper Stickers

Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel

Boldly going nowhere

CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

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"FEMAIL: A NEW PRODUCT TO REPLACE E-MAIL!"

Product Announcement:

Introducing FeMail!

This new product will reduce your communications needs
considerably. Its intuitive interactions will often leave
you scratching your head in wonder.  From your minimal
communications with this package, it will quickly presume
who your friends are (and even what their habits are), who
you should be communicating with in order to advance your
career, and let you know continually whether you are
communicating effectively with the FeMail itself.

You may find that FeMail reduces your unnecessary
communications with friends and associates.  Your FeMail
will intercept incoming communications from all sources and
make a determination as to whether or not they should be
relayed to you.  The FeMail is especially thorough when
examining messages from other FeMail systems. These
messages will be examined for intent as well as content.

Messages that are received from other Mails will be scanned
for intention by your FeMail.  Any messages that will reduce
your productivity at home or at the office (invitations to
bars or parties, where the FeMail may lose contact with you
for more than two hours for example) will be delivered to
you only after they can no longer be acted upon.  A true
productivity increase is then possible, and your FeMail will
even help your decide how to use this spare time to attend
to maintenance issues.

In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are far beyond
your comprehension.  Often times the FeMail responses you
receive will be 180 degrees different than the direction you
thought you were heading. In every case though, you will be
compelled to agree with the decisions that your FeMail makes.
Most areas were a FeMail is installed find that agreeing with
the FeMail is easier than attempting to justify opposing logic.

The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive
Interpretation, Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendos (even
some you may not realize), Inflection, and Encryption.  (The
encryption package is particularly effective, allowing other
mails absolutely no chance of interpreting interchanges
between two FeMails).

You will find yourself becoming dependent on the
interactions that a FeMail makes possible.  Once the FeMail
begins working in your daily activities, you may find
yourself changing certain actions to avoid conflicting with
the FeMail suggestions.

The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and provides only
for a single user interface in most cases.  The instructions
included with your FeMail indicates that it may interact
openly with other Mails in a conversational mode, but that
you should never interact with someone elses FeMail, even
in a conversational mode, and most certainly not in an
interactive mode.  The FeMail communications links have
demonstrated an ability to intuit these actions even if you
believe your FeMail would be unaware of the interaction.
Continued interaction with FeMails that are not your own
will be considered a security violation, and you may find
yourself cut off from interaction with your own FeMail.

Because of the complexity and high-level of interface
required, there are certain times (based roughly on a lunar
month) when your FeMail system may behave erratically.
During this particular cycle, your interactions with the
FeMail should be monitored closely, and offensive or
interpretive language removed.  The FeMail may misinterpret
even simple communications efforts during this short time.
This is an unavoidable problem that the FeMail has endured
since its inception, and we are still attempting to overcome
this minor glitch.

Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will store the
data indefinitely, and only recall the misinterpretation when
it can loosely associate it with other facts not necessarily
related to the communications process.  You will find these
recollections and associations puzzling, but they all contribute
to the operation of the FeMail system.

Obtain FeMail today, and you will be surprised at the
changes it will make in your life!!!!

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