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Bonjour Y'all,
Gee, it is getting worse and worse... soon you will get
the funnies only once a year!!!!!
Thought of the day;
Everyone has talent.
What is rare is the courage
to follow the talent
to the dark place where it leads.
- Erica Jong
Have a good one... and sign the guest book.. here
MICHEL
Women's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like
grapes, and
it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark
until
they mature into something we'd like to have dinner
with."
Men's Quote of the Day:
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out
fresh, fruity and
intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age
until
they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
A real hero!!!!
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be
admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big
Book to see if the guy's name is written in it.
After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows
his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written
in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he
asks.
"I get a download every ten
minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you
ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I
was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death
was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name
probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," Pete
says, "but while we're waiting for the update to
come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you
did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says,
"Humm, well there was this one time when I was
drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker
gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down,
and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em
torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my
car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up
to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy;
6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and
a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I
walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle
around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.
"So I ripped the leader's chain out
of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire
iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest
of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone!
You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go
home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says
"Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago."
Eleven reasons e-mail is like a penis:
11. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut
off.
10. Those who have it think that those who don't are
somehow inferior.
9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but
think t's not worth the fuss that those who have it make
about it.
8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a p
henomenon pychologists call E-mail Envy.
7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get
any eal
work done.
6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit
information vital to the survival of the species. Some
people still
think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most
folks
today use it mostly for fun.
5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread
viruses.
4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more
and more
difficult to think coherently.
3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater
than its actual size and influence warrant.
2.If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get
you into a lot of trouble.
1. If you play with it too much, you go blind....
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
to get nervous, I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following
note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don'tsay he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did
not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary
with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:
"Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.
Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Two children were sitting outside a clinic.One of them
was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?1st Child: I came here for
blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test,
they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying. The first one was
astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I have come for my urine test!
Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch a
woman's breasts best," the first guy says.
The second says "I like to look at a woman's
butt." He asks the third guy,
"What about you?".
"Me? I prefer to see the top of her head."
What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and
Martin Luther King Day?
On St. Patrick's Day, everybody wishes they were Irish.
Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.
Two idiots landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just
before morning tea one yelled, "Mick! I lost me
finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you
do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn!
There goes another one!"
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