Kitty Hygiene

Bonjour Y'all

If you have received an empty email from me yesterday, don't panic, it was not an IQ test or some satanic internet wizardry. I tried something and it did not work and let my connection open and my machine sent an empty email... Sorry for all the trouble you had opening an attachment that was not there... ;-)

Thoughts of the day;

"Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does. "
        -Jane Austen

People can cry much easier than they can change.
     - James Baldwin

Try not to become a man of success
but rather try to become a man of value.
     - Albert Einstein

It is nice to be important,

but it is more important to be nice.

-Moi.... naw!!! I just liked it.

Have a good day

Michel

Can I get the car, pleazzzzzze

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"

Oh yes, Honey!!!

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag,

"I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice ass."

Hmmmm

Anyone been to England lately? If we're such good friends , why don't we teach them how to make soft, absorbent toilet paper?

How come only women know the difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...
does that mean that one enjoys it?

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant a little like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

He knows best

A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted to buy a surprise formal evening gown for his wife.

"What size?" asked the clerk.

The man shrugged blankly.

Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are your wife's measurements?"

The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large and in that order."

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was nearly impossible.

I love oral sex; it's the phone bill I hate.

Poor Blonde...

The police department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was
shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned,

"I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send a BLIND policeman!"

Kitty hygiene

Please forward to cat lovers everywhere who, like
myself, are very concerned about kitty hygiene.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet
    water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him
    to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet
    and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the
    lid so he can not escape.) CAUTION: Do not get
    any part of your body too close to the edge, as
    his paws will be reaching for anything they can
    find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This
    provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have
    found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and
    ensure that there are no people between the
    toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and
    quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet
    and run outside, where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,
The Dog

.RELIGIOUS CROSS WORDS

The Pope and his Arch-Bishop are sitting in the Vatican, The Pope is working on a cross word puzzle, when he turns to the Arch-Bishop and asks?

"I have a four letter word with the letters U-N-T at the end, and it relates to a woman?

The Arch-Bishop replys, "that is easy, it has to be an AUNT."

The Pope blushes and says, "Oops, do you have an eraser?"