Bonjour Y'all
In New York tomorrow morning.. early zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Next Funnies this week
end.
Laptop on strike after it was hit by a mad sidewalk...
Thoughts of the day.
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the
best relationship.
- Buddha
- Buddha
Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward.
They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.
- Goethe
They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.
- Goethe
It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation, which give
happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson
- Thomas Jefferson
"Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins
championships."
- Michael Jordan
- Michael Jordan
"If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to
accomplish your dreams."
- Les Brown
- Les Brown
"The follies a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't
commit when he had the opportunity."
--Helen Rowland
--Helen Rowland
"Procrastination is opportunity's assassin."
--Victor Kiam
--Victor Kiam
"Yesterday's errors let yesterday cover."
--Susan Coolidge
"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."
--Bertrand Russell
"Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow."
--Swedish proverb
Have a good week
--Susan Coolidge
"To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom."
--Bertrand Russell
"Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow."
--Swedish proverb
Have a good week
Michel
PS... Keep Jeanne in your thoughts.... she is
starting chemo Friday...
Poor little critters
Scientists who have been using rats in their scientific experiments have
decided to use lawyers instead. They site three reasons:
One, there are more of them.
Two, they don't become as emotionally attached to lawyers as they do
rats.
And three, there are some things rats just won't do!
NOTE FROM MICHEL:
The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor filed a lawsuit against Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, saying the drug has left him impotent. Prince Frederic von Anhalt, 59, claims he can no longer become aroused without the drug, and it's driven 83-year-old Zsa Zsa to seek therapy.
"But Michel," you say, "How do I know if *I'm* addicted to Viagra? What are the warning signs?" Glad you asked...
The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor filed a lawsuit against Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, saying the drug has left him impotent. Prince Frederic von Anhalt, 59, claims he can no longer become aroused without the drug, and it's driven 83-year-old Zsa Zsa to seek therapy.
"But Michel," you say, "How do I know if *I'm* addicted to Viagra? What are the warning signs?" Glad you asked...
The Top 13
Signs You're Addicted to Viagra
13> You're constantly spinning around to true north.
12> The State of Mississippi recently named you Public Enemy #1.
11> You make sure to schwing by the drugstore before every hot date.
10> Bob Dole's dinner invitation turns out to be just another intervention attempt.
9> You get aroused just talking about the monkey on your back.
8> After 12 eye-poking incidents this week alone, the driver no longer lets you ride the bus standing up.
7> The good news: You finally found some comfortable pants!
The bad news: You bought them at M.C. Hammer's tag sale.
6> You frantically claw through your kid's box of Lucky Charms looking for blue diamonds.
5> The site of a naked 83-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor actually turns you on.
4> Not even Rolling Stone can airbrush away the tent in *your* pants.
3> The Chicago White Sox were still in the playoffs the last time you peed.
2> In the dark, your scrotum glows like a charcoal briquette.
and the Funnies Number 1 Sign You're Addicted to Viagra...
1> You haven't even entered the voting booth yet and you've already punched holes for Bush, Gore, Buchanan and Nader.
12> The State of Mississippi recently named you Public Enemy #1.
11> You make sure to schwing by the drugstore before every hot date.
10> Bob Dole's dinner invitation turns out to be just another intervention attempt.
9> You get aroused just talking about the monkey on your back.
8> After 12 eye-poking incidents this week alone, the driver no longer lets you ride the bus standing up.
7> The good news: You finally found some comfortable pants!
The bad news: You bought them at M.C. Hammer's tag sale.
6> You frantically claw through your kid's box of Lucky Charms looking for blue diamonds.
5> The site of a naked 83-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor actually turns you on.
4> Not even Rolling Stone can airbrush away the tent in *your* pants.
3> The Chicago White Sox were still in the playoffs the last time you peed.
2> In the dark, your scrotum glows like a charcoal briquette.
and the Funnies Number 1 Sign You're Addicted to Viagra...
1> You haven't even entered the voting booth yet and you've already punched holes for Bush, Gore, Buchanan and Nader.
Yep, another gene pool who should be chlorinated...
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national
pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager
operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less
often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he was being paged by "Lucille." He asked that the pager company contact her and tell her to stop paging him. "She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name?" was the reply.
After re-establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
He replied, "L-O-W C-E-L-L"
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he was being paged by "Lucille." He asked that the pager company contact her and tell her to stop paging him. "She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number. "She leaves her name?" was the reply.
After re-establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
He replied, "L-O-W C-E-L-L"
From a discouraged lady friend
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.............
NOW... WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!
The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.............
NOW... WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Metamussil bomb!!!
A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm
constipated."
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags!"
The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."
The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, CRACK... and then sends him into the bathroom.
He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?"
The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags!"
