Oh Canada

Bonjour Y'all

Be good this weekend and remember that the kid your are smacking now will pick your retirement home one day!!!!

Thought of the day;

Price is what you pay.
Value is what you get.
- Warren Buffett

Have a good week end.

Michel

Friday's quickies !!!

My boss has a problem dealing with authority figures - like me.

Gambling is not addictive. I have been gambling for 25 years.

Women close their eyes when they kiss because they can't stand to see a man have a good time.

NATO: Now America Takes Over.

Just when I think I can make ends meet, someone moves the ends.

What does the Jewish Superman say?
Up, up and oy vey!!"

Q: What do homosexuals call other homosexuals that are too gay?
A: Frenchman!

Q: Pat Robertson, what's the best way to get to Paradise?
A: "Turn right and go straight."

Q: What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?
A: "You must be new around here."

Listeners of country radio station KMPS called to complain that they found the use of the word "lesbian" in a public service message offensive.
The station apologized for the offense and then played a song about a guy who was in love with his horse.

Two gerbils walking on the sidewalk in front of a gay bar

One says to the other as they were staring at the sign,

Let go in and get shit-faced!!!!!

Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie.
A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped, and your monkey's on fire."

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
They're hiring.

To all of you football players....

A college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach said, "You're such a big guy--why did you marry such a petite woman? She's no bigger than your hand." "That's right, Coach," replied the lineman, "but she's much better!"

Oh Canada !!!!!

A young woman was impressed by the massive French Canadian in the bar. "Pardon me, sir, but can I ask about the measurements of your chest. I am amazed."

"Well, thank you, ma'am. It's 33 inches."
"Wow, around?"
"No, ma'am. Through."
"Well, then, sir. What about your waist?"
"It's 28 inches."
"Around?"
"No, ma'am. Through."
"Well, then. One last question. What about the size of your dick."
"You see, ma'am. It's 5 inches!"
"Wow," said the woman. "Through?!"
"Oh, no, Ma'am. From the floor!!!

Everything I Know I Learned In Corporate America

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
16. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
17. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
18. Every time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
19. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
20. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.