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Bonjour Y'all
Yep, it is late... I
did not forget any of you.
I am busier than a
donut cook in a policeman convention.
Thought of the day:
Have a good day
Michel
P.S. My friend Manya
lost her cat and her boyfriend. She is looking for a
boyfriend already neutered and a cat that will sleep on
the couch.
Thank you
Y'all raise your hand....
It was the end of the
school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving
gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a
gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I
bet I know what it is? Flowers."
"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is? A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Q & A ...
from Canada, Thank you Martine ..
Q: Which is the odd
one out?
- Chick Pea - Green Bean - Soy Bean - Vibrator A: Green Bean, all the others are meat substitutes...
******
Q. Did you hear about
Woody Allen's latest movie?
A. It's called, "Honey, I married the kids."
******
The Penis Poem
My nookie days are over My pilot light is out What used to be my sex appeal Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord From my trousers it would spring But now I've got a full-time job To find the blasted thing. It used to be embarrassing The way it would behave For every single morning It would stand and watch me shave. Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues To see it hang its little head And watch me tie my shoes.
From Manya
Confucius say... Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. Confucius say He who lives in glass house, dress in basement Confucius say... Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly. Confucius say... Better to be pissed off than pissed on. Confucius say... He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok. Confucius say... Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand. Confucius say... Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day long. Confucius say... Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak. Confucius say... Girl who sit on jockeys lap get hot tip. Confucius say... Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge. Confucius say.... Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent. Confucius say... Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts. Confucius say... He who run behind bus get exhausted. Confucius say... Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion. Confucius say... Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck. Confucius say... He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
Yessiree.... There are three kinds of men. The one that learns
by reading.
TOP TEN
THINGS MEN SHOULD NOT SAY OUT LOUD IN A VICTORIA'S
SECRET STORE
Great
reasons to be a GUY
========================= Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name. You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Wedding plans take care of themselves. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Everything on your face stays its original color. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." Same work, more pay. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks. You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So, notice anything different?" You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. At least a few belches are expected and tolerated. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Church
bulletin bloopers
Hmmmm!!!!!!
The first rule of
holes. If you are in one, stop digging.
I love ya
Honey!!!
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did." he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep ?"
You Know
You're from Ontario when ....
- You only know three
spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. - The mosquitoes have landing lights. - You have more miles on your snowblower than your car. - You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat. - Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. - You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground. - You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. - Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. - You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. - You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. - The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports. - At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. - The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. - Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. - You think the start of moose season is a national holiday. - You head south to go to your cottage. - You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck. - You know which leaves make good toilet paper. - The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making. - You find -40C a little chilly. - The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. - You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels. - You can play road hockey on skates. - You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction. - The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. - You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.
Eeee haaaa!!!
There's the story
about the man that walks into a house of ill repute in
Reno and says, "I'll give $20,000 to any woman here
who'll come into the desert with me and do it MY
way."
One of the ladies agrees, and off they go driving into the desert.
After about an hour
she gets curious, and asks him "Just what is your
way?"
"On credit." RESTROOM
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