Rules

Bonjour Y'all

Thought of the day;

    CONFIDENCE
    They are able because they think they are able.
             - Virgil

Have a good day... and check the joke site... here

Michel

If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules"

Rule # 1 Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2 If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Rule # 3 If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 4 It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 5 Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

Rule # 6 Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

Rule # 7 You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

Rule # 8 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 9 Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 10 Women who wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Rule # 11 When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

Rule # 12 Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client's arm entered the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out of the courtroom.

A London stockbroker has invented an aerosol spray that quick freezes dog poop, making it easier to scoop. It even comes with a cute little stick for making poopsicles.

When Ma & Pa first arrived on the homestead, Pa installed a bell on the front porch and told Ma, "If trouble comes while I'm out in the field a plowin', then you just ring that bell and I'll come a running."

The next day Pa hears the bell and takes off for home. When he arrives Ma says "Them boys are givin me a hard time about doin the chores and little Sammy done stuck the butter knife in the molassas without lickin the blade clean first."

Pa says "You mean I just run all the way in from the fields for this next time it had better be important."

The next day Pa hears the bell and takes off for home again. When he arrives his wife is in tears standing over a broken clothes line.
"Pa"; she says "some jackass came ridin through here on a mule and ran right through the clothes line and rurnt the washin." At first Pa was trying to figure out what was ridin what but then he yells "I told you not to ring that bell unless something bad was goin on. If this
happens again I'm goin to whap you with a board."

The next day Pa hears the bell again and grabbing up a board heads for home. When he arrives, Ma is clinging to the porch rail with a spear in her back, the house behind her is in flames and the chickens are laying dead in the front yard, shot full of arrows.

Pa looks at Ma and says "Now thats more like it."

"Why is it $10 looks so small at the grocery
store, ...but so big at church?"