St-Patrick

Bonjour Y'all

Happy St-Pat to all our Irish readers... (Hi Mom)

Yes, I am 1/2 Irish and 1/2 French... what an explosive mix!!!)

Thoughts for the day;

ACTION

Man who stand on hill with mouth open
will wait long time for roast duck to drop in.
     - Confucius

Integrity is what we do,
what we say,
and what we say we do.
    - Don Galer

A bone to the dog is not charity.
Charity is the bone shared with the dog,
when you are just as hungry as the dog.
     - Jack London

Happy St-Pat

Michel AKA the French Leprechaun

Let's Reinforce a Few National Stereotypes:

There are eleven beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.

The German woman has a strict weekly schedule when she alternates with the two German men.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the men on the other islands, after calling them "bloody wankers".

One New Zealand man is having sex with the New Zealand woman, the other Kiwi is searching the island for sheep.

The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South to make them feel more at home, and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied that at least "those English bastards" are not getting any.

Gee, I am bad to every one today

What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King Day?

On St. Patrick's Day, everyone wants to be Irish.

Let's go Pope !!!

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth "I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand."

The Pope says "No way. You can't do that."

The Queen says, "Watch this".

So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic.

So the Pope is standing there going "Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it."

So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says, "I bet you I can make every IRISH person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head."

The Queen goes "No way, it can't be done."

So the Pope headbutts her.

SPECIAL REPORT---- SPECIAL REPORT---- SPECIAL REPORT---- SPECIAL REPORT---- SPECIAL REPORT

When you read this you'll be as concerned as I was. Since the Federal Government has passed a new law making the files of the Federal Bureau of
Investigation and the Central Intelligence Agency available to the public, you can now search the Internet to determine if either, or both, agencies has
a file on you. I was surprised to find that, not only do they have a file on me, but they also have my picture.

You may want to check your records with those agencies to be certain that they are accurate. If so, go to the following website:

http://www.thecenter2000.com/access_public_records.htm

a must try

Dial 1-800-578-7453 when you have a moment. It's the customer service line for Brown & Williamson, the tobacco company.
The initial recording is unbelievable. Trust me.

Be sure to listen until you are prompted to enter a number to be transferred.

I still can't believe this is a for real customer service number !

The Irish .. again

2 Irish men are having a drink at their local watering hole, who happens to be in front of a house of ill repute.

Hey, Pat, Look !!! Isn't it this Baptist minister walking in the House of ill repute?

Yes, Tom, These buggers.. you can't trust' em

Look Pat! isn't it Rabbi Cohen walking in?

Yes, Tom, No wounder they cut part of their appendage at birth... What a shame.

Gee, Pat, Look!!! Isn't it Father O'malley walking in the house?

Yes Tom, It is father O'Malley, One of the girl must be dying!!!!

Q. How does a midget reveal to everyone that he's gay?
A. He comes out of the cupboard

During a conversation with a friend today, he said he
was lucky because he was married to an angel. I told
him he was very lucky, because my wife is still alive.

Every state has another state they pick on. In Georgia, that would be
Alabama. Here in Arizona, well, that would be Alabama.

It May Be Hard to Believe That A Scant 100 Years Ago...

The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call
from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved
roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily
populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents,
California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the
Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The
average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a
dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000
per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took
place at home.

Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education.
Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were
condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or
egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the
country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.

The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
    1. Pneumonia and influenza
    2. Tuberculosis
    3. Diarrhea
    4. Heart disease
    5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico,
Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

Drive-by-shootings -- in which teenage boys galloped down the
street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses,
carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy -- were an
ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote
desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and
their families.

Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet.
Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't
been invented.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of
all Americans had graduated from high school.

Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses
were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour
after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They
recommended slipping bromide -- which was thought to diminish
sexual desire -- into the woman's drinking water.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the
counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist,
"Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect
guardian of health.

Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.

Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early
predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time
by the government to help compile the 1900 census.

Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least
one full-time servant or domestic.

There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually