The Ark

Bonjour Y'all

For no particular reasons, I am happy today !!!

I hope you are too !!!

Thoughts of the day;

You are more likely to act yourself into feelings,
than feel yourself into action.
         - Dr. Jerome Brunner

None learned the art of archery from me
Who did not make me, in the end, the target.
        - Saadi of Shiraz

What folks think is impossible
is just stuff they haven't seen before.
        - Robin Williams (I like that one)

Have a good day

Michel

~~~Cat Definitions~~~

Aquarium: interactive television for cats.

Cat: 1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
      2. a four footed allergen.
      3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
      4. a small, furry lap fungus.
      5. a treat-seeking missile.
      6. a wildlife control expert impersonator.
      7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.
      8. a hair relocation expert.
      9. an unprogrammable animal.

Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life.
Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.
Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.
Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.
Dog: a cat's device for running practice.
Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.

The Ark

When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals."Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice.
"There will be NO sex on this trip. All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons.
I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penis back."
After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited.

"Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said,"Sorry, no land yet.""Damn!", exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.
This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him.
Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights.

Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?"
"Look!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he held out a piece of paper,

"I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!!

Things to make you hmmm!!!!!

This is not a beer belly, either. This is a gas tank for a sex machine.

Bush versus Gore equals BORE.

My husband could have had any women he pleased--he just couldn't please any!

Vanity Plates seen on a Mercedes Benz in California "WAS HIS"

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills. Making the last car payment.

HOW TO GET EVEN WITH SOMEONE

GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, cam-corder, vintage automobile, antiques, etc. Sale begins at 6:00 a.m. all items in the backyard, Just come around back and Come early!

X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS: Purchase a large adult bedroom toy. Wrap it in a large amount of tin foil. Secretly hide it in a piece of the victims carry on luggage. As it goes through the airport x-ray machine the contents of the device will be shielded by the tin foil and will be unwrapped and inspected by airport security officials. an absolute classic . . .

OIL SPOT: At night pour used oil under neath the victims car while parked in the driveway. Pour enough that will be alarming. Continue to do this each night. The subject will spend great deals of money trying to get the oil leak repaired time and time again. I have even heard of a person buying a new car after the repeated attempts at repair. Imagine their surprise when that new car starts leaking too.

PAPER MONEY: Write a sexually oriented solicitation message, victim's name and phone number (inviting a phone call) on the edge of several pieces of paper money before spending them. The victim will receive many eye popping inquiries.another favorite . . .

FAX MACHINES - Write whatever you wish on 9 pages of 8 1/2 by 11 inch paper and tape them together (end to end). Dial the victim's fax number and start sending the pages through. After page two has been transmitted, tape the top of page 1 to the bottom of page 9 making a continuous loop. The document will continue to cycle until the victim's fax machine has run out of paper. Be sure and disable your phone number from being printed on the
fax and also disable caller I.D. This prank is great to get even with a business or individual who has somehow cheated you. This can have same results as OIL SPOT.

I'd like to hear

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I would like to hear them say......

LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

The Top 15 Signs Your College Professor is Losing It

15> It's not the hand puppet that bothers you, but the fact that it ain't on his *hand.*

14> Your class in Romance Literature consists of him reading out loud from "Letters to Penthouse."

13> The third question on the final is "milk, bread, eggs, and that kitty litter Punkin likes."

12> Demands each class begin with students standing on desks exclaiming, "Oh, Captain, my Captain!"

11> Prerequisites for her Economics seminar include the 64-count box of crayons with the sharpener in the back, a Slinky, and a working knowledge of Duck, Duck, Goose.

10> Pierces his bow tie.

9> "Your homework assignment is to eat chapters 15-25 of 'A Movable Feast.' And yes, I WILL be checking your stool."

8> Begins class by urinating around podium to mark her territory.

7> Gives grades based on the taste of her students' feet.

6> Has started dressing like Madonna, but he just doesn't have the figure for it.

5> "I don't just teach Abnormal Psychology -- I'm also a client!"

4> Abandons blue books and insists that your final exam must be written on the shaved back of a rabid wombat.

3> Has tenure, yet actually teaches his own classes, shows up on time and prepared, and states that attendance is required, exam grades will not be curved, and final grades will be based solely on merit.

2> Writes "See me" on the top of your paper -- then underneath writes "I *am* still visible, aren't I?"

and Number 1 Sign Your Professor is Losing It...

1> He uses his cool hepcat persona in class then switches to his bucktoothed dweeb persona when he goes out club hopping.

Buddhist for a day

This is what The Dalai Lama has to say on the millennium, all it takes is a few seconds to read and think.

   I N S T R U C T I O N S    F O R      L I F E
   1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
   2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
   3. Follow the three R's:
       Respect for self
       Respect for others and
       Responsibility for all your actions.
   4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
   5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
   6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
   7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
   8. Spend some time alone every day.
   9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
   10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
   11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
   12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
   13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
   14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
   15. Be gentle with the earth.
   16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
   17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
   18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Good day Y'all

Je suis bien heureux d'apprendre que la neige a commencer a fondre a Montreal.... Happy slushing!!!

Michel