Bonjour Y'all,

Sorry for the lack of funnies.. I have been very busy.

BUT now they are back!!!!

 

Thought of the day:

 Canadian Joke #1 (Direct from Toronto !!!)
 A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
 "Toilette pepper!"

 

Dirty joke # 1 (From Toronto also!!!)

Q. What is the difference between 69 and driving in the fog?
A. When driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you.

 

Religious joke # 1 (Yes.. from Toronto)

Several churches in the South decided to hold revival services.
The leader was a Baptist and proud of his denomination.
"How many Baptists are here?" he asked on his first night of the revival.
All except one little lady raised their hands.
"Lady, what are you?" asked the minister.
"I'm a Methodist," meekly replied the lady.
"Why are you a Methodist?"
"Well, my grandparents were Methodists, my mother was a Methodist, and my late husband was a Methoidst."
"Well," retorted the leader, "just supposing all of your relatives had been morons. What would that have made you?"
"Oh, I see. A Baptist, I suppose."

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CHINESE EBONICS

  * Are you harboring a fugitive? (Hu Yu Hai Ding?)
  * Approach me. (Kum Hia)
  * Stupid Fellow (Dum Gai)
  * Small horse (Tai Ni Poni)
  * Prices are too high here (No Bai Dam Ting)
  * Miami vacationing agreed with you (Ya Mai Ti Tan)
  * I bumped into a coffee table (Ai Bang Mai Ni)
  * Have you considered a face lift? (Chin Tu Fat)
  * You try saving electricity? (Wai So Dim?)
  * Unauthorized execution (Lin Ching)
  * Inquiry to determine if bus is due (Hao Long Wei Ting?)
  * Plaything belonging to ancient emperor (Ming Toy)
  * You're blowing your diet (Wai Yu Mun Ching?)
  * Keep out of the pond (Noh Wei Ding)
  * Tow-away zone (No Pah King)
  * Don't you know anything by Cole Porter? (Wai Yu Sing DumSong?)
  * You are not very bright (Yu So Dum)
  * I have a press pass (Ai No Pei)
  * I don't deserve the death penalty (Wai Hang Mi?)
  * You're suffering from chronic halitosis (Yu Bai Sen Sen Nao)
  * Remain out of sight (Lei Lo)
  * Cleaning automobile (Wa Shing Cah)
  * Did someone fertilize the field? (Hu Flung Dung?)
  * Your body odor is offensive (Shu Man Go)
  * They are approaching (Hia Dei Kum)

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  The Top 15 Slogans That Never Quite Caught On

15> Charmin: "Butt... Wipe... Err."
14> Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"
13> Eggs: "The Incredible Edible Ovum."
12> MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
11> Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But  That Would be Stupid!"
10> Iguana: "The other green meat."
 9> Penis Enlargement Specialists: "It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing!"
 8> Nike: "Just buy the damn shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
 7> Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
 6> Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes, dammit!"
 5> Pepto Bismol: "Squash the Squirts!"
 4> Trojans: "Just add meat."
 3> Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
 2> Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Slogan That Never Quite Caught On...
 1> Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

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What's an Australian kiss?
The same thing as a French kiss... only down under!

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What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
Bad Golfer: "Whack!" "Fuck!"
Bad Skydiver: "Fuck!!" "Whack!!"

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