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Bonjour Y'all
Thought of the day;
Have a good day,
Michel
Gangsta's
Paradise
A gang-member was holding his eight-month old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured "mother".. -----Our guy gets all excited and hollers to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"
To My Dear
EX-Girlfriend,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times,which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished. 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
MORE VIRUSES
Ellen Degeneres virus..... .....Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC. Titanic virus....... .....Makes your whole computer go down. Disney virus....... .....Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Mike Tyson virus.... .........Quits after one byte. Prozac virus....... ......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. Lorena Bobbit virus.... .....Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Spice Girl virus....... ......Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. Ronald Reagan virus..... .....Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. Dr. Kevorkian virus..... .....Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. Oprah Winfrey virus...... .....Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB AT&T virus...... ......Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus..... .....Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much or the AT&T virus. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus..... .....Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Viagra virus..... ....Expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip drive. President Clinton PC Virus..... .....It has a six inch hard drive and no memory. And the winners for the CAUS Virus..... ......You know its there but you cant prove it. ......It continually deletes your files but your antivirus program can't find it and tech support tells you its a hoax.
Yep !!!!
A chicken and an egg
are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with
a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
Dear Confi...
Confucius say gay sailor who get discharged from navy, leave buddies behind.
Twenty years ago last
night my new wife was sitting
on the edge of the bed crying, it's too big, it's too big ... Last night I was sitting on the edge of the bed crying It's too big, it's too big.
Huhhhh!!!
If ignorance is bliss
then I must be the happiest thingamajigee in the
whatchamacallit!
yes.. thats
how they call it.
I prefer to describe
my profession as that of a "Contemporary
Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has
just the right amount of flair. Besides,
"stalker" is such an ugly word.
If I plagiarize, it's
only because I like someone else's idea better than
mine and I want credit for it. --Anna Chin-Williams If I plagiarize, it's only because I like someone else's idea better than mine and I want credit for it. --Michel Fontaine
I luv Ya !!!!
While enjoying a drink
with a friend one night, this guy decides to try his luck
with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To
his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and
eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her
place.
The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her house, they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. She gives this fellow the best night of his life. THE WORKS! Finally, the fellow is completely worn out, and he reaches for a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, I don't have a boyfriend," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?!" demands the bewildered guy. She tells him, "That was me before the operation!"
If you love
something, set it Free. it comes back, it will always be
yours.
In the last couple of
weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Isthat
really a problem in this country? Men not paying
enough attention to women's breasts? ----Jay
Leno
When the sun comes
up, I have morals again. ---Elayne Boosler
Yep... This one is for you!!! Instead of getting
married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and
give her a house.
Joe and Moe went
outside to take a leak and Joe confessed,
I'M A SENIOR
CITIZEN (for all our older readers...)
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